Why does this always seem to happen to me? I'll be somewhere like at church or the grocery store or whatever (confidentially, the only two places I go regularly, thanks social anxiety!), minding my own beeswax, and all of a sudden there's someone I know.
Hi someone! How are things?
Yep, I'm fine.
Ok, see ya lat...wait, what the crap?
No, a hug is really not necessary, kthanxbai!
Oh, you insist?
Well, I've been exercising like crazy (translation: playing Wii baseball from my couch. Dude, you so totally do not have to do that whole arm-swinging motion while actually standing. Wrist flick. That is all.) so I'm pretty sweaty and you look really dressed up so I don't want to get you dirty.
Hmm? You don't mind the sweat?
Well, I've been feeling a little sick lately, so you may not want to get too close.
Oh, that's nice about the Vitamin C. Yeah, I guess you do look pretty healthy (nervous chuckle while trying to sidle closer to the exit).
Mmmkay, if you insist.
*awkward sidehug while slowly patting back*
Aaaand, cue the hyperventilation. Why? Why must I hug you, Insistent Hugger? Are you oblivious to the nervous sweating and wild-eyed, desperate search for escape? Go hug someone who wants a hug and leave me to enjoy my space alone. Am I the only person who wishes huggers would take the hint and stop touching me? I mean, I like people sometimes, I guess, except for the assy ones. And the racists and homophobes. Also most old people because they smell like death. And 99% of children. Just no touching, k?