Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Finding My Voice

I sang tonight for the first time in months, and it was like breathing again after being underwater. Music is such a huge part of who I am, and I've stifled that part of myself for so long.

I think I've been punishing myself without realizing it, because I've been so depressed. By doing that one little thing, just singing along with the music, I've taken a little step toward the person I used to be, the one I remember. The one Shanna remembers.

I like that me. I miss that me. I'm slowly coming back, and I had no idea how much I was missing until now.

Monday, May 23, 2011

In Which I Update All Two of You

So. Okay. I haven't blogged in a while, but I was inspired to start again by my wonderful friend Karen, who has decided to start a blog. She has her own story to tell, and I will let her tell it in her own way instead of trying to say much here. I will say that she's one of the best people I know, and one of my best friends, even though we haven't gotten to meet in person yet. Shanna and I met her online, and we all instantly clicked. I swear she and I share a brain.

For all the scoffers who say there's no way you can really know someone you've never met in person, I have to disagree, at least in this instance. Karen has helped me through some really hard times, and she is still helping me. She just gets me completely, and Shanna too. We're both so blessed to have her in our lives.

We've decided not to move for a while.

We're still trying to have a baby, and since our donor lives here, it doesn't make a lot of sense for us to move right now. We have had some drama in the past with that situation, but thankfully it has been resolved. Now if I could only get pregnant. We've only actually been trying for four months this time around, but I feel like I've been waiting my entire life. I'm off all of my meds, and that makes things difficult.

This post feels so disjointed right now, and I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's not going to be happy fun times around here all the time. I need to get real and get some of this crap out of me, and if no one wants to read it, that's okay. I just need to say it.