My Mom Always Told Me Being Lazy Was Going to Bite Me In the Ass One Day

I've always had to do more than one thing at once. Otherwise I get really bored. Well, except for sex, because I've found that the other person tends to get a little offended when you try to multi-task.

I have about a million tabs open in Firefox all the time, which drives Shanna insane. She's one of those people who just opens the browser and then closes it without saving any of her tabs for later. Pfft, whatever.

My point to all this is that I have several blogs open in tabs at any given time. Some are new to me, and I'm reading through the archives. I can't just pick up in the middle, because I don't want to miss anything. Because I'm nosy.

The other blogs I have open are ones I read regularly that I'm too lazy to close or that I forgot were open. Because I seriously do have at least 20 tabs open at any given time. Because I might neeeeeed them for something, and I might forget about them if I close them out. They aren't all blogs. Some are things I saw that I wanted or some other thing I wanted to look at or read and didn't have time. And yeah, I could bookmark it or whatever, but really, the chances of me going back into my bookmarked sites and remembering why I bookmarked something? Pretty much zero.

So what really happens (don't tell Shanna) is that I have so many tabs open, and tabs underneath tabs, that I forget about a lot of them anyway. So they all sit there. Being open. For days and days on end. Until I see them and remember how awesome they are and start reading them again and then I get distracted by a cookie or some glitter and forget about my tabs and the whole cycle starts all over again.

And because I'm a huge moron, I just now realized that all of these wonderful bloggers can see when someone is reading their blog. So I now look like a creepy, mouth-breathing stalker who is staking out their blog for whatever weird reason, when really I'm just lazy as hell and I don't want to have to figure out what post I was reading when I go back to the blog so it's easier to just leave it up.

So anyway, I'm probably still going to leave my tabs up (see above, re: lazy), but rest assured that I am not a stalker. I don't have the attention span or the drive to stalk anyone.

But laziness, that's a valid life choice, right?

Right?

Shit.

Answers to Questions You Didn't Even Know You Had

Uch, so I hate introducing myself, but I figure I'm kinda supposed to. I'm Andrea, and I started this blog because I love to write (and also maybe because my friends say I have lots of feelings and I need to start sharing them with people besides them), and I wanted to connect with other people like me.

I am horribly socially awkward, and I have social anxiety, so I really hate talking to people. Things tend to turn out badly when I do go places, because my foot just lives in my mouth. My friends think I'm funny, but everyone else just treats me like I have a permanent head injury.

Then there's Shanna. She's my wife of four years who I love more than life. Well, not legally. Because we live in Texas. And Texas is an asshole. We're finally moving from a smallish town to Dallas in the summer, and we're going to resume our efforts of starting a family (more on that later, that's been a HUGE challenge) after we move.

We have two lazy-ass dogs and a cat who wants me dead.

Oh, and the monkeypants thing. We have a three-year-old nephew who we absolutely adore. I can't imagine what it's like to love a child the way a parent does, although I hope to someday, but I think what I feel must be the second best thing because that boy is my heart. Anyway, we were playing one day, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer was on. Which I love in a very geeky way. Which, yeah, I know he's kinda too little to watch that and everything, and I probably should have changed the channel and it was a babysitting fail. Anyway, it was the very cute scene between Oz and Willow in the second season where they are talking about animal crackers and how the monkeys are the only ones who have pants, and how the monkey mocks all the other animals with his monkey pants. So I turned to my nephew and I said, "I mock you with my monkey pants," and of course he repeated it over and over the way three-year-olds do, and I then I started calling him monkeypants, and it just stuck and so that's what I decided to call this blog.

I don't know who will want to read this, but I know it's time for me to do something for me.

The Internet's Kind of an Asshat

Me: I'm back!

The Internet: *crickets*

Me: Huh. I guess you have to actually have readers already for them to miss you when you're gone. Crap, I did it backwards. Oh well, I'm back from not being here anyway.

Internet: Meh.

Me: *sad face*

Internet: Whatevs.

Me: Bitch.